loveablevy

I have until Friday to lose as much weight as possible before I see my boyfriend. I just Hydroxycut today, so maybe it'll speed things up. I'm also going to try and drink a lot more green tea. Only problem is, I'm all but forced to eat at least 2 meals/day because of work; I can't exactly show up to lunch with green tea and a pack of gum at a day camp. And I don't want to. I don't want people at camp to know. I purged for the first time last Friday, and when I came back to the lunch tables, I just drank my bottle of water in a dehydrated, dizzy, painful trance. My other lead counselor looked at me and said, point blank, "You look like a lost and confused child." Scary how that's exactly how I felt. My biggest fear is that one of the girls will start picking up my habits. I'm terrified that this one little girl in my group, Eva, will notice. Eva was in my camper group when I worked at a preschooler day camp, and even then was my favorite kid. A year after that her family moved to my synagogue, so I watched her grow up in the hallway when I would skip services and she would skip daycare. Now I'm her counselor again, and neither of us could be more excited! I don't wan her to see the sick side of me, or even worse, to admire it. She's such a gorgeous little girl with this crazy curly hair and freckles, and gaaaaah!-no little girl should go from that to an ED. No one. Never ever.

The dress isn't half bad. There's a line in the front caused by the way the fabric falls on my hips, which needs to go AWAY!!!!! also, my arms still look too fat in the dress. My plan is from now until Sunday, just whenever I have free time, leg lifts and arm dips. I'm also gonna try and get my body into ketosis.

I've had family and/or my boyfriend in town for over a week now, which has meant so much food!!! I had been doing so well with 1-2 small meals/day in the weeks before, in order to slim down for my cousin's wedding June 4. But now I have to pick up my bridesmaid's dress tomorrow and I'm afraid to step on a scale because a week of nothing but food food food has passed by!
Tonight, for instance, is my grandma's birthday, so we're going out to this steakhouse for her dinner. I'm thinking I'll have a caesar salad and half an appetizer or something, but I'm terrified nonetheless. Being sick and sore all weekend kept me from working out, but I'm gonna do weight training in my basement later today/tonight do an all-nighter. So far to eat I've had:
1 oz Jarlsberg: 110
1 slice fat-free corned beef: 20
3 bites fat-free turkey: 20
3 bites lean roast beef lunchmeat: 25
1 pc salami: 50-ish? rounding up
2 bites couscous: 35
That's 260-300 already! and it's not even 2! I mean, on the upside that's not a lot of carbs, maybe 1 g from the cheese and 5-6 g from the couscous. But still, I CAN'T eat much at dinner tonight, and I need to get my fat ass working out STAT! My grandparents need to get out of my house so I can get STARTED!!!
Once everyone's gone tomorrow, it'll be easier. I'm going on a liquid fast before the wedding, and trying to keep most of the liquids healthy (green tea, skim milk, water water water!), with something like a non-dairy smoothie to get vitamins and the like. I can go to the gym this week too(!!!!!!!) So...:
Tues: 45 min. elliptical, 15 min abs, leg strength
Wed: 30 min. elliptical, arm strength
Thurs: 45 min. elliptical, 15 min. abs
Fri: 45 min. elliptical, arms and legs, some abs
Sat: 30 min elliptical (our flight to NY for the wedding is early afternoon)
Wish me luck!

Going to try this out; I'm usually awful with consistent blogging!
Will most likely use this to document my journey back to thinness, that story to be posted later when I'm more comfortable. Or drunk. Whatever.
Send me a message or comment if you want to know more!